


All ended with his eyes.

by I_want_to_hunt_the_Moon



Category: Feverwake - Victoria Lee
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Dara has Abandonment Issues, Dysfunctional Relationships, M/M, Making Up, Post-Canon, but they get better!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27509962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_want_to_hunt_the_Moon/pseuds/I_want_to_hunt_the_Moon
Summary: Noam still didn't know what exactly had set Dara off.Things had been fine when he left for work in the morning, giving Dara a quick kiss goodbye inbetween gathering all of his stuff. Dara had smiled sleepily over his cup of tea and wished him a nice day. That was different when Dara picked him up. His jaw had been tense and his answers curt. Noam had tried not to press, gingerly asking if anything had happened at school but Dara had shook his head.He had sighed when Noam asked what he was making and cut the vegetables a little too hard.And now there was this.
Relationships: Noam Álvaro/Dara Shirazi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	All ended with his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Dante. The original self insert.

Noam still didn't know what exactly had set Dara off.

Things had been fine when he left for work in the morning, giving Dara a quick kiss goodbye inbetween gathering all of his stuff. Dara had smiled sleepily over his cup of tea and wished him a nice day. That was different when Dara picked him up. His jaw had been tense and his answers curt. Noam had tried not to press, gingerly asking if anything had happened at school but Dara had shook his head.

He had sighed when Noam asked what he was making and cut the vegetables a little too hard.

And now there was this.

“You think you're so great!”

“I don't know what you're talking about!” 

Dara had sprung up from his chair and he looked angry enough to throw the table against the wall any second now, if he still had magic the house would have shaken apart by now, Noam was sure of it. “You think I’m some dainty little teacup that needs to be fixed-”

“When have I _ever_ said that?”

Dara was gesturing wildly. “And you're the big man ready to take on the task!” 

“Where the fuck is this coming from?”

Dara’s cheeks were angry red. “You think you're special? Huh? You think I can’t go out right now and find ten men ready to fill your place? Guess what? You're wrong. I don't _need_ you-”

Noam slammed his hands down on the table. “I don't need you either. I certainly don't need you when you're this-” _Mess_.

But that wasn't his word so he wouldn't say it, maybe Dara heard it anyway. Deflating a little and wrapping his arms around his waist. Noam felt god awful when he saw his glassy eyes.

Dara took an unsteady breath. And said, “I’m going to bed,” before fleeing up the stairs.

Noam contemplated going after him but Dara probably needed to be alone right now. It was better if Noam gave him space lest he hunted him out of the house and towards a bar. Or someone else. He hung his head. Ten men.

Jesus.

He stared at his cold dinner in disgust, he didn't want to eat it. Two years ago that thought would have been impossible and Noam hated himself. Hated what he had become. But he didn't finish his dinner, instead scraping it into a tupperware container. He put Dara’s plate in the refrigerator, if he changed his mind and decided to finish his food it would be easier to get to.

Wolf was carefully looking at him from the corner of the kitchen. Noam sighed. “I’m not mad, come here.” The dog trotted over and Noam scratched him between his ears. “Let’s get you out of the house.” 

He fixed the leash to Wolf’s collar and threw on the first coat he saw. “I’m gonna walk Wolf!” he called up the stairs but it stayed silent.

He tipped his head back to look at the sky but it just made him miss Dara more so he closed his eyes instead. The cold night air only made him feel more lonely.

When he got back the lights upstairs were out and the plate was still in the refrigerator, untouched. Noam swore under his breath. Things hadn't been this stained in a while and Noam still had no idea how it happened, how he could make it better. 

Wolf gently nudged his hand before climbing up the stairs to keep Dara warm and Noam wished with all his heart that he could join him but he doubted he was welcome at the moment. He stared unseeing at the empty stairs for a long moment before turning away from the sight. He should sleep on the couch, or maybe just sit on the couch while getting extra work done. If he started now he could get quite a bit in, have a lazy day tomorrow.

He didn't move. Just stared pathetically at the floor for god knows how long and-

“What are you doing?”

Dara was standing on the stairs, one hand on the railing, engulfed in a too big sweater and the thick socks with swear words stitched on them Ames had gifted him and Noam couldn't help but worry that he would slip and hurt himself, they still needed to do something about the stairs. Wolf had trouble finding grip on them and Noam had almost fallen twice already so he had to restrain himself from moving closer to hold Dara steady or to at least catch him if he fell. 

Anything.

Noam cleared his throat. “I’m gonna stay on the couch tonight.”

Dara’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Get some work done, you know. I’m behind anyway.” He vaguely gestured towards the living room.

“Why?”

“Goodnight.”

“Noam, why aren't you in bed?” Dara snapped.

Noam’s heartbeat filled his ears. “Do you want me there?”

He heard Dara climb down the stairs and felt the heat of his body, the warmth of his palm as he slowly took Noam’s hand. “Come to bed,” he demanded brokenly.

Noam swallowed hard. “Okay.” He let Dara lead him up the stairs. And despite the bitter aftertaste of anger still lingering in the air, Dara's hands were soft as he unbuttoned Noam’s shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. He waited on the edge of his side of the bed as Noam pulled on his sleep clothes and brushed his teeth.

When Noam came out of the bathroom Dara’s terrified eyes met his. “Do you hate me?”

“No. Never,” Noam promised lowly. But the fragility that seemed to have settled in Dara’s bones didn't ascend so Noam climbed on the bed and pulled Dara towards him until his head was tucked under Noam’s chin. “I love you.”

Dara tried to pull away. “You can't mean that.”

“I do, you of all people know I do.” Dara just burrowed closer so Noam gently untangled the blanket from under their knees and pulled it over them as he pulled them down.

They were shaking and Noam suddenly wasn't sure which one of them was crying. Chests pressed together so tightly it didn't really matter anymore.

“I love you too. Promise.”

* * *

“Here you go, baby,” Noam said as he handed Dara a cup of tea. Dara smiled at him in thanks. Noam sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh. “Now, what happened yesterday?”

Dara averted his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

“You didn't do anything. You don't deserve that. You put up with all my issues and then I repay you with-”

“Dara. Dara! It’s fine,” Noam said firmly. “No need for panic.”

Dara took a deep unsteady breath. “I know I’m a mess.”

“You're not.”

Dara continued, covering his face with his hands. “I am, I got mad about nothing because I’m an idiot, I’m so stupid, Noam-”

“You're not stupid.” Noam gently grasped Dara’s wrists, pulling them away from his face. “Please tell me why you were mad.”

Dara was quiet, as if struggling to put words together. “I keep having these thoughts. About you leaving. That one day you’ll realise you don't want this. Me. And I will wake up to an empty bed. I’m terrified because some days that reality seems so close,” Dara sighed, “And then I get scared and pretend it’s anger. I’ll try to convince myself that I don't want you anyways and I’ll lash out at you, so that if you leave it was because I was too much instead of not enough.”

“Control.”

“Control.”

Noam pulled Dara’s hand to his face to press a kiss to his palm. “I wish you told me sooner.”

“I should have.”

Noam rested the hand against his cheek. “Did you talk to your therapist about it?”

“No.”

“Dara.”

“I know, but I just started seeing her and I just want to be sure.”

Noam gave him a firm look. “You think she’s not going to believe you.”

Dara shrugged. “My old one didn't.”

“This one is different. People know what he was now. It probably also helps that she isn’t paid by him.”

“Maybe.” Dara sounded unconvinced but he gave Noam a half smile.

“What was the last straw? Yesterday,” he clarified, although he probably didn't need to.

Dara’s jaw tensed. “You kissed your secretary.”

Noam furrowed his brow. “What?”

“She kissed you. On the cheek but it just made all those fears erupt.”

Noam sighed and pressed another kiss to Dara’s hand, letting the rough path of his thumb catch over Dara’s knuckles, marveling quietly at the soft skin. “Maybe we should see someone for this. Us.”

Dara gave him a weird look. “Like marriage counseling?”

Noam laughed. “We’re not quite there yet. And I’ve got weird feelings about marriage anyway but yes.”

Dara looked at him from under his lashes. “Good weird feelings?”

“Not really. I mean, it’s kinda outdated right. Like what's the point? I’m never gonna leave you, don't need a ring to keep me, baby.”

Dara bit his lip and nodded. “Right. Yes. I know. You're right. Who wants to get married nowadays anyway?”

Noam cocked his head at Dara’s tone, contemplating digging deeper into it. That probably wouldn't work, Dara would clam up and get mad that he was pushing. “Exactly but that’s not what we need to talk about.”

Dara nervously tugged on a curl. “I don't want to do it.”

Noam leaned forward. “I think it would do us good. Avoid things like yesterday. What do we have to lose?”

Dara made an unsure movement with his hand. “Just- We aren't- Isn't couples counseling for really old white people that cheated on each other.”

Noam couldn't help himself, he laughed. Quickly stifling it when he saw Dara’s face go carefully blank and he caught Dara’s hand between both of his before he could withdraw it. “Not laughing at you, baby. Counseling is for everybody.”

“I don't know that, Noam. I need you to tell me things sometimes because no one ever taught me.”

Noam felt guilt hook in his stomach. “I know, I’m sorry. But couples counseling is for couples. Just like therapists aren't just for crazy people but everyone who just needs support.”

Dara leaned forward intently. “But there’s nothing wrong with us. We’re good together, you make me want to get better, you make me so happy. Unless,” his eyes flicked over Noam’s face, “unless I don't make you happy?”

“No, no, no, baby, you make me very happy. And we are good together but with help we could be better. Maybe seeing someone will help your communication skills and teach me to be more alert to your needs or listen better or ask you how you're feeling more regularly. I don't know. Something. You see?”

“But we’re not broken.”

“No. Never.”

Dara gave him a small smile. “Okay.” He blinked hard. "I want us to be okay."

"We're going to be." Noam kissed his hand again. "We're going to be just fine."

**Author's Note:**

> One day I will finish prayer for Persephone but thats not today. Hopefully before next year.
> 
> I am in a 'lets make it sad mood so here ya go.'


End file.
